It’s about four weeks into my fall semester and I am feeling worried.
I’m in my second and last year of graduate school. I also have one year’s worth of work experience under my belt and I’m still continuing my line of lab work. Although I have been able to handle everything well so far, I am still worried.
I worry about my future.
I worry and think about the possibility of failing to obtaining admissions to dental school. So much so that I have already made a back-up plan should things not work out.
I worry about my life at school. Everyday, I feel like I am behind. Often times, I feel overwhelmed by the amount of schoolwork and I always have that sinking feeling that I am behind. I always feel that I should be much more ahead and on top of things.
I worry that I may screw up an experiment at work, fail an exam, or completely screw up an assignment. I fear a time, at any given moment, that I will totally mess up something at work and bring on terrible consequences.
I worry if I will be able able to keep up with the rough schedule of being at work early in the morning and still have enough energy leftover after work to be effective at studying and doing well at school.
How much longer can I still “bring it?”
I worry that I will never be able to be happy with my life. I’m nearing the age of 30 and I am still not anywhere close to where I want to be. While some make try to see the positive of all this and tell me to think of this as a “fun adventure,” I worry how I can keep up this denial of reality.
I’m not where I want to be right now.
To be able to wake up and rise out of bed.
To be able to carry out my daily tasks.
To just…keep on hoping…
Sometimes, it’s just very hard.
But I’ll still keep hoping and see what tomorrow brings.
Hang in there, Eric.
Oh, and Eric…